Mä teen hyvin harvoin tällaisia suoria kopioita, mutta tästä oli mulle päivällä iloa, ja haluan jakaa iloni teidän kanssa. Ette kuitenkaan käy lukemassa elokuvasivuja. Vaikka kannattais. Tämä on Virginmedian sivuilta (Jopo tarjoaa sen kuvattomassa, mutta huomattavasti lukijaystävällisemmässä muodossa).

1. Stop killing Mother Earth

Start off by reflecting on how you've treated Planet Earth like your own personal toilet bowl. If Mother Nature doesn't orchestrate her own eco-attack a la The Happening, then chances are an alien messenger like The Day The Earth Stood Still's Klaatu will touch down to deliver a lecture on tree-hugging, like an intergalactic member of Chumbawumba. Resist the temptation to shoot him.

2. Avoid major landmarks

Find yourself in a tourist hot-spot during a meteor shower? You might as well have a target on your head. Astrologists have puzzled over this bizarre phenomenon for years, but as shown in scientific documentaries Deep Impact and Armageddon, asteroids almost always strike major landmarks first. Stay away from the Eiffel Tower and the London Eye, and for God's sake, steer clear of New York.

3. Kill all machines

That toaster is not to be trusted. If mankind stands on the brink of destruction, it's probably the fault of the machines. Killbots come in many shapes and sizes - from the unstoppable Terminator to the rastafied Matrix squid sentinel - but they almost always want to snuff out the species. Trash all the tech you can find, and yes, that means your iPod too - you never know when it might turn on you.

4. Listen to the scientists

When the chips are down and mankind's fate is at stake, the last people you want to be listening to are the politicans - even in the face of extinction-level events like Outbreak, they're just worried about next month's bi-elections. The dude in the spectacles, waving around his clipboard and prophesising a fiery doom? He's your man. They're not called 'eggheads' because they like omelettes.

5. (and my favourite) Outsmart the elements

So it's a natural disaster that's threatening humanity? Did you listen to the scientists like we said? Tsk. Not to worry, because although extreme weather might be terrifying, it's also stupid. Outsmart a Twister-esque tornado by simpling wrapping your belt around a pipe! Do as that Gyllenhaal boy did in The Day After Tomorrow and simply outrun frost on foot! Easy! In your face, weather!

6. If Nicolas Cage looks worried, run

Hey, is that Academy-Award winning actor Nicolas Cage? Is he furrowing his brow and looking concerned about something almost incomprehensible? Do yourself a favour: evacuate the area immediately. The deployment of Knowing's Nicolas Cage into a danger zone is humanity's last throw of the dice. If anyone can save us, he can. It's just... an awful lot of planes tend to crash near him.

7. Befriend a dog

Life can be lonely when you're the last man alive. We recommend finding and raising a canine companion to help you through the darker days of surviving the apocalypse, just like Will Smith in I Am Legend. Don't worry: the chances of you having to kill your dog to save your own life in a tear-jerking scene of sacrifice is pretty minute. Unless there are zombies around. Then you're screwed.

8. Film everything

Will Smith is dead already? Then what the hell is boom-shake-shake shaking the room? MONSTER INVASION! Remember the Cloverfield-approved drill, people! First, abandon your hipster party and start screaming. Second, make sure you film your escape on an incredibly resilient camcorder, so future generations can experience motion sickness while you wet yourself and flee in terror.

9. Look for men with big chins

This is just basic genetics. In times of trouble, a hero will emerge and you'll need to know how to spot him in a crisis. Hint: he's the guy with the gigantic bum on his chin - think Aaron Eckhart's dashing 'scientist' in The Core. Be warned: said lantern-jawed saviour might be too busy saving the world to throw you over his shoulder and walk off into the sunset. Ah well, there's always Ben Affleck.

10. If all else fails, wait it out

Caution: aliens may be dumber than they appear. If mankind has learned anything from near-misses like War Of The Worlds and Signs, it's that alien invasions are often as badly thought-out as human ones. Sit back and power up the Xbox safe in the knowledge that, if Earth's water doesn't dissolve the aliens where they stand, they'll eventually catch the flu and drop dead. The berks.

So all in all the answer is - watch more movies.